I need to get back on it

I guess some people call it depression. It is that feeling that you want to sit and let all the issues, pressures, demands, feelings, etc. wash over you while you just sit motionless waiting for it to pass or sweep you away into nothingness. I've got that feeling.

Don't worry, I'm not clinical or anything. I've been here before and know that it is really just a perception problem. When I stop and consider reality, it doesn't take very long to snap out of it.

It has been a hard week at work. It isn't like I have a physically demanding job or anything, but it can be mentally and emotionally draining. Most of your moments are spent waiting for the other shoe to come down.

It didn't help that I had a real late night on Monday to start everything off. Then the next day I ended up having to take a pertussis vaccine shot and go on antibiotics. No, I did not have whooping cough - I didn't even have symptoms, but I had to take the stuff as a precaution.

So, mentally I am wasted. Physically I am feeling kind of weak because of the medication and stuff. Then I find out I have to have the tie rods and sway bar replaced in my truck - $750 and then an unexpected medical expense comes up for another $750. Right during Christmas time.

Let the waves just keep washing over!

I can't ride tomorrow morning because we are going on a progressive brunch. This is a tradition that started with my wife's family soon after we got married. It is pretty cool, but it means we end up driving all over Greenville - and to Powdersville even - as we stop at all the houses (four in all).

The point is though, I don't want to ride. That is what bothers me. Sure, I've been on the trainer three times this week. I'll get on it again tonight. I just don't have the desire to get up in the morning, pull on all the winter riding gear, and go turn my legs round and round.

Again, it is a perception thing. Fact is, if I were to just do it - get up, get on the bike, and ride - I would probably find it therapeutic. That is how it is with "depression" too. Just get off your butt and stop waiting for everything wash you away. Just get up, pick one challenge, and do it. Most times half the other challenges disappear before you turn your focus to the other ones.

Of course, for me the reality is deeper. I know I have a God who is working behind even these things that I think are harsh. He knows that my comfort is not always what is best for me in the eternal vision. He is working all things to help me become what He wants me to be.

He is good. He is great. He loves me. He has never failed me. He will turned these trials into triumphs if I will look beyond my comfort and see my opportunities for growth in trust and true contentment. I am reminded of a sermon I once preached, "Peace is not the absence of conflict. Peace is the presence of Christ."

I'm already feeling better. I think I'll go spin for awhile.