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Rush Limbaugh has his . . . well, here is mine. This is my record of news stories and issues that interest me. You can also find more headlines at the site where I serve as editor: The Common Voice.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

How to undermine the new Pope

I found this email joke by a friend sort of funny. It is a remake of an old one. Of course, the last paragraph was the funniest to me.

NEW LANGUAGE

(AP) New Pope Benedict XVI of the Roman Catholic Church has just announced his first encyclical which has surprised many. Knowing Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger to be a staunch German, an agreement whereby English (and not Latin) will be the official language of the RCC rather than German which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations with Queen Elizabeth, the Head of the Anglican Church, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase-in plan that would be known as "New World English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of the"k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be ekspekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"s in the language is disgraseful, and they should go away.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru! And zen ve vil tak over ze world!

In another developement, enemies of the new pope are trying to derail his first day on the job by starting a rumor that he is a graduate of Bob Jones University.

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